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Run No:- |
1100 |
Date:- 19 April 2004 |
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Location:- |
Bang Yai Y-junction |
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Hare:- |
Vinai and Pitak |
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Scribe:- |
Neil Biggadike - better known as Weedy |
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Write up: From our racing correspondent
Bent Whanger (BW): Welcome sports fans, to the one thousand one hundredth ‘Tightarse Derby’, here live, at Kempton Park. Your commentators for the 5:30pm event are Skip Golighty and myself, Bent Whanger. There promises to be a good turnout here, though conditions have altered in the last 30 minutes or so.
Skip Golightly (SG): Yes indeed Bent. Just half an hour ago the heavens opened to and unseasonable downpour. The Stewards are currently out checking the course, though the ground will make for slightly soft going, conditions that might suit some of the smaller mounts. We are now about 30 minutes from the start of the race and there are already some of the contestants out in the paddock.
BW: I can see the big rangy, or is that mangy Skip. Heh, heh, just kidding, ‘Spinning Dwarf’ circling the enclosure.
SG: He looks a bit skittish Bent.
BW: Yes he does. I can see the young filly ‘Thai Me Up’ is also here today, along with ‘KC & The Sunshine Band’, ‘Acharn Kiora’, and ‘Hungry Bum’. Of course ‘Boob-a-lube’ actually has quite a consistent record at this event and the Bookies are only offering odds of 3-1 for a placing. I have heard though Skip, that the vet worried about his Alzheimer’s problem and that he may have to be put down.
SG: Bent, that would be a sad end indeed to such an illustrious career. Maybe he’ll be put out to stud?
BW: The glue factory is more likely Skip.
SG: What a way to go. We have just about 20 minutes to go now. The rain has stopped and more mounts are out in the paddock. You can almost feel the tension down there Bent.
BW: Indeed Skip you can. Though that might actually be because ‘No Meat’ is in heat, yes, look at the way ‘Colonel Gadafi’ is circling her Skip.
SG: I can see the odds for ‘Colonel Gadafi are currently standing at about 500-1. The smart money is on ‘A Man Called Horse’, a clear favorite for this event and Danish high jinx champion in 2001, when he out performed the Burmese outsider, ‘Noriega’. ‘Noriega’ currently has odds of 36 -7 of being placed in the first 3.
BW: ‘A Man Called Horse’ took the honours by winning several chase cups last year. I’m not sure how well he can perform under soft, warm and damp conditions; he may well find the going. Oh, look Skip, ‘Spinning Dwarf’ has apparently got the wrong shoes for these conditions!! Dreadfully bad luck for the Canadians, with only 5 minutes to go to the start of this the very first No. 1100 ‘Tightarse Derby’.
Last minute betting has put ‘Blue Moon’ and ‘Lion King’ at 8-3, ‘Non-Stop’ at 3-4 fav and ‘Sugar Daddy at evens.
SG: There’re the stewards Bent, they have finished their last inspection and, yes, they’re off!! Over to you Bent.
BW: Yes, and into this first straight the challenge in taken up by ‘Boob-a-lube’, ‘Blue Moon’ and ‘No Meat’. The rest of the pack seems quite indifferent as the front-runners mill around just a hundred meters up the road. Now a sharp turn to the left, a new course change for this event Skip. As they wheel left, ‘Maverick’, ‘Bullet’, ‘Ajarn Key West’ and ‘No Good Boyo’ lead the train, not very closely followed by ‘Minus 10’ and ‘Weed Eater’ (who seems to be sexually harassing ‘Thai Me Up’). The pack heads out, with ‘Boob-a- lube’ struggling to keep up. Now the order has changed as they take a left, a right, some more lefts, an in, an out, an up and a down beneath the swaying banana fronds. Over to you Skip.
SG: Thank you Bent. As they round the Chiang corner on the far side of the course, they face the first big hurdle. The going is soft and, oh! A massive jump from ‘Minus 10’!!
BW: It’s a shame he didn’t make it Skip.
SG: Yes indeed Bent. “Minus 10’, normally easily recognizable for his lily white fetlocks, is covered with shiggy! It will take some time to recover from that fall. Meanwhile, at the front it’s still ‘Sugar Daddy, closely followed by ‘A Man Called Horse’, ‘No Meat’, ‘Blue Moon’, ‘Hungry Bum’, and ‘Non-stop’. The front group is then followed by, well, the rest. It could be anybody’s race at this point. On to the second hurdle and ‘Krispie’ dances across with no problems at all, which can’t be said for ‘Graeme Bywater’, who is being a bit skittish. Still no sign of ‘Boob-a-lube’ what a shame his career should end like this, he should surely be put out to grass, They have just entered the back straight. The pace has heated up as ‘Sugar Daddy’ begins to fade. The lead is taken up by ‘A Man Called Horse’ who goes around the outside with ‘Blue Moon’ and ‘No Meat’ on his shoulder. It’s anybody’s race as they approach the last 500m. A late challenge by ‘The Bug’ must surely be disqualified for using a pick-up! ‘Weed Eater’ has crept up through the pack and gently cruises past ‘Hungry Bum’ and Scottish flat racing champion, ‘Clan Robertson’. ‘Weed Eater’ is neck and neck with the tall mare ‘Tom Petty’, surely he’s left this late run a little too late. In the last furlong it’s anybody’s race. As they gallop to the finishing post…….. it’s going to be …….it’s going to be……. Yes…….ah yes…yes, yes, yes, by a head, aaaaaghghghghrrrrumph!!!!!!!!!**?
BW: Was that good for you?
SG: Yes thank you Bent. Unfortunately I missed who won, though it may have been ‘Noriega’ by a nose.
Some time later.
SG: There has been a stewards inquiry Bent, it seems that due to a serious infringement of the course rules, all the runners were disqualified for taking performance inhibiting drugs. The winner it seems was ‘Jannine’s Mum’ who came in at 7000-1. Well done Mr. Montgomery Shagwell for making that bet.
BW: An epic race Skip.
RUN STATISTICS
On Monday we had 25 Harriers, 10 Harriett’s, 0 new boots and 7 visitors, total = 42. Returners included Jay "Footloose" Cooley, KC "Boob-a-Lube" Marshment, Neil & Linda, Struan "Peeved Cat" Robertson, Bo "Minus 10" Eskesen, Andreas "Blue Moon" and “Jumpstart” who left her hash flash equipment behind again.
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